The Annexation of Puerto Rico

Ladies and Gentlemen:

"Like David, I wanna be a man after God's own heart. And I'm not there yet, but I'm past the start. And when people talk, I try to listen. A spirit of compassion, that's my vision. Surely I am a manly man. I want to be loved and have love and give love. And not just that romantic kind either."


I do want to be compassionate, I do want to love people and have them know they are loved. I feel as though we as a society think so much of how we can 'fix' people, but really people just need a legitimate friend who will listen and walk through life with them.

I am scared that I will never live up to my full potential. that I will not accomplish all that God has for me. That I will be a disappointment. But His grace is so good. How Great Thou Art.

"Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue except in mere appearance." - St. Augustine

plotted points

I need some serious intellectual stimulation.....I just can't take people sometimes

which road will you take?

such a good song......

If you walk away, I’ll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold steady rain
Just stay in when it’s looking this way

And the moon’s laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like the jewelry store case
They argue walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura’s asleep in my bed
As I’m leaving she wakes up and says
“I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby don’t go away, come here”

And there’s kids playing guns in the street
And ones pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up I say “enough is enough,
If you walk away, I’ll walk away”
And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure
From my landlocked blues
It’ll pass away like a slow parade
It’s leaving but I don’t know how soon 

And the world’s got me dizzy again
You think after 22 years I’d be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I’m always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I’m balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended and you may be afraid
But don’t walk away, don’t walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background of a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
“If we walk away, they’ll walk away”

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom’s a joke 
We’re just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you’re still free start running away
Cause we’re coming for you!

I’ve grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I’m making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying “let me walk away, please”
You’ll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Till then walk away, walk away

So I’m up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I’m leaving but I don’t know where to
I know I’m leaving but I don’t know where to

Gabe rules

I so love one of my best friends, Gabe. I had such am amazing conversation with him today over the computer (got to love technology) . I just feel so blessed to be able to hear his words. Gabe and I go way back to middle school and him and I have been through so many ups and down together. The blessing is that I have seen that kid grow and mature into a Godly man who cares so much for others. He challenges me so much. Gabe went through a time when he didn't believe God, but over the years i have seen God do great thing in his heart and in turn God has used Gabe for His glory. I love getting to see that, it is a privilege. I just had the most wonderful time today talking to him and I thought i would brag on him a bit. I wish he lived close to me.

¹³I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. ¹⁴I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.

3 John 1:13-14

I like to watch House.....

For some reason i just have not been in a good mood today. Today was fantastic: Good People, Good Music, nothing negative happened. But for some reason I just didn't feel right, I don't know why. I guess i am just n a funk, nothing feels natural. Music doesn't flow from my consciousness like it used to, Words don't match up, I feel uncreative. And i am not just talking about work or my various hobbies. I think it might be school, I am so tired and ready for this semester to be over. But I really don't think that its school, I think its a pride issue or something. Today I have just felt weary and burdened, I need rest and joy.

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29

Maybe I need to be beat down a bit, I know I need it sometimes. That doesn't mean i like it, I just want to have a humble spirit, to mirror the characteristics of Christ. Also to be honest with how life is going, to myself and to others. I think that all to many times people try to only let people see the bright side of themselves, I just want to be a real person with real feelings. But I hide behind a smile or a joke, and thats not authentic. Now I am a pretty optimistic person, I don't do a whole lot of wallowing, so I don't mean to sound like a glass is half-empty kinda guy. But like i said i just feel burdened and thought it would be good to let it out a bit, since i usually don't. Just to be more Christ-like, that is all I desire.

⁴The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. ⁵But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

1 John 2:4-6

and on a completely unrelated note, a beautiful poem by my favorite, Sir John Doone:

"Death, be not proud" by John Doone

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

I wish i could open up....

I really want to be surrounded by meaningful relationships, real conversations, or as I hear a lot now a days 'authentic community'.

I find people fascinating, I mean the whole idea of what it is to be an individual is just mind blowing. Everyone comes from different back rounds with different experiences. I want to learn about those experiences, share my own. Just really get to know and love people.

Also I don't understand the pressures put on the guy/girl relationship dynamics. I feel as though I cannot hang out with someone around my age without hearing some comment from someone about it evolving into a romantic relationship. I totally understand the comments but I wish that there wasn't a constant pressure to date or to be constantly looking for a wife. I very much want to get married someday, I am so very excited for that day. But God has not blessed me in that area of my life yet and that's perfectly fine by me. There is this girl i know that I think has the most pure heart our of anyone I have met in a long time, she is brilliantly smart and quick witted, and to top it off I think she is very beautiful. In the past i feel as though I would have put myself out there and tried pursuing a relationship. But that has never worked for me before, judging by my past relationships, I have always been to focused on the relationship and not the friendship and getting to really know the person, I was selfish. I care much more about having a friend and understanding that person than anything else.

God has such an awesome plan for me, even if it means not ever getting married. I want to marry my best friend so I now firmly believe that friendship is all I need to pursue. Now I know eventually I am going to have to put my self out there and pursue a girl, but I don't want it to be someone I just met 2 days ago. In Song of Solomon it says "do not stir nor waken love until it pleases' and lately that has resonated with me. Even though I am attracted to this amazing person, its not the time, and she might not even be the person.....and so its win/win for me, either eventually God says its time to do/say something or He doesn't and I still have a great friendship that I greatly value. Win/Win

Psalm 73:25-26 "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

That is my heart completely.......

"My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

John 13:33-35

continuing on.....

He laid emeralds in her eyes,
But Id already tried a bracelet made of gold
And a scarlet thread around her wrist.
Everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.
Oh how seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss.
We painted crooked lines
But danced in perfect time to a love so much refined,
We know not what it is until like a dullen wine we pour into a grief know before
But never quite like this.
All I know now is regret,
It follows like a silhouette along the cobblestone behind us,
But has nothing to say except to innocently ask,
Its voice delicate as glass,
Do you see me when we pass?
But I continue on my way.

-John Donne